Relax, Remus, and Just Feel
by Elenillor
Summary: A series of oneshots, RS centric, in which Sirius teaches Remus to surrender.
1. Restraints

Sweet Surrender

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Remus woke up slowly, not really sure it was worth all the effort of opening his eyes.

When he did open his eyes, however, he still saw black. He tried to rub his eyes, only to discover that his arms were above his head and he couldn't move them.

He panicked, trying determinedly to free himself. "Sirius?" He called out; the last thing he remembered before he had fallen asleep last night was being with Sirius.

Sirius hadn't expected Remus to wake up so early or so violently. In an instant, he was straddling Remus, his lips near the struggling boy's ear.

"Relax, Moony. I'm here."

"Sirius?" Remus voiced again. It sounded desperate, panicked, angry, and scared.

"You're not trapped, Remus," Sirius whispered soothingly, knowing what Remus was feeling. "Relax."

The werewolf struggled again, trying to free his arms and pull them down. Sirius responded by gently running his hands up Remus' arms.

"Sirius, this isn't funny. This isn't romantic, and Merlin, please untie me." There was more desperation in his voice.

"Why are you so frightened, Moony? It's just you and me."

"Why are you doing this?" Was the answer he received. Sirius had never heard his boyfriend so scared of anything. Remus had always hidden his fears very well. But now, Sirius saw a feral animal, trapped.

"To teach you to relax," he said softly, wondering if he should stop this now. But Sirius always liked to push the boundaries. "To trust me. I won't let anything happen to you."

Before Remus could protest, Sirius placed a finger to his lips. "You think too much Moony. Just feel. Talk to me. What are you feeling?"

"I can't move."

"I know," Sirius said as if he were talking to a child. "And that's okay, because if anything happens, I'll protect you."

"What if you can't?"

There it was.

"Don't you trust me?"

Silence followed, but Sirius knew that it was because Remus did trust him, and just wasn't ready to admit it in this case. "What do you think is going to happen, Rem?"

"I don't know."

"For once, Remus, your emotions have overpowered your logic," Sirius grinned, even though Remus couldn't see it. "How's it feel?"

"Horrible," the tawny haired boy replied. "Godric, let me go, Sirius. I don't like this."

"I know you don't."

Remus was shaking, sweating. His muscles were so tight that Sirius wondered if it was painful.

"Relax, Remus. What has you so riled up?"

"I don't like being trapped."

"You're not trapped," Sirius said gently. He paused, then added, "How do you know you don't like it?" His hands glided gently over Remus' stomach, and a whimper was the only answer he received.

"Have you been trapped before?"

"Yes," Remus said truthfully, very near tears.

Though this surprised Sirius, he kept moving his hands in gentle patterns over Remus' skin. "When?"

"When I was six."

"Just after the bite?"

"Yes."

"The Ministry?"

"Yes."

Six years old. There were days when Sirius hated the Ministry more than his own family, and that was saying something. "What happened?"

"They tied me down, scared I was going to transform. Tried over and over to convince my parents that it would be better to put me out of my misery."

Apparently, when panicking, Remus had no problem talking. It was probably something to distract him, Sirius mused.

"It's the wolf in you, Rem. The wolf is scared to submit. I'll take care of you. I love you, Remus. Relax."

Remus sucked in a shallow breath, but said nothing. Content with the lack of protest for now, Sirius began trailing kisses down Remus' chest. "Don't close this all out, Rem. Stay with me."

"Where are we?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does."

Sirius smiled against Remus' skin. "Nothing is happening. You and I are alone, and I'm touching you. That's all. I won't hurt you." He continued leaving trails of kisses on Remus' body.

"Close your eyes."

Remus drew a slow breath. "How do you know they're open?"

Sirius smirked. "Because I know you. You can't see anything anyway, close your eyes and just feel."

"There better be a lot of chocolate involved when this is over."

Sirius laughed at this. A joke from Remus was a good sign, and he didn't feel so bad any more for pressing the boy. They had just made it past the hardest part. "There is, I promise."

Sirius continued whispering things, nonsense, really, but he knew that Remus wasn't paying much attention. Every so often, he would add a "relax," and after a while, he could feel Remus' muscles loosening.

"You all right?"

"I'm okay."

Sirius waited a few more minutes before moving his lips to Remus' mouth, kissing the boy gently, tenderly.

Remus finally relaxed. He even lifted his head to deepen the kiss.

Sirius smiled, reaching up with one hand to release Remus'. The werewolf pulled his arms down, his hands immediately tangling in Sirius' hair, pulling him closer, leaving the blindfold in place, forgotten.


	2. Attractiveness

Remus looked at his reflection, a skeptical look on his face as he tugged on the t-shirt he was wearing.

Sirius' reflection appeared behind his own in the mirror, smiling approvingly, and Remus felt hands pulling his own away from the hem of the shirt.

"You look good, Rem."

Remus said nothing, not giving Sirius any kind of reaction except a doubtful flick of his eyes.

"I'm serious. Pun intended. These jeans make your arse look smashing, by the way." He punctuated this statement with a swat to the said area of Remus' body.

"Sirius," Remus warned, but the taller boy was already sauntering out of the bathroom and back towards the bedroom they shared. Remus followed.

"The shirt is too small," he stated, leaning in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest in a self conscious manner. The shirt moved up as the boy's arms moved. "And too short."

Even still, Sirius mused, eyeing the sliver of skin exposed of Remus' abdomen, he looked dead sexy. If only he could get Remus to believe that. But that was the purpose of tonight, of course. "It's perfect, Rem. It's supposed to be tight. And short."

"It's Lily's," came the flat response.

"I can't help it if you're small enough to look good in Evans' clothes." Almost the entire outfit Remus was wearing had been donated by Lily. The shirt was simple, plain black with a small v-neck. It was taken in at the waist, or where a girl's waist would be, but looked undeniably good on the werewolf. Remus hated it, but he did have a slight intake at his own waist. It wasn't enough to give him and effeminate physique, but enough to make Sirius smile. The jeans were also Lily's. Remus' only pair of jeans were too loose for Sirius' taste. Remus did have a pair of black leather pants, but despite Sirius' begging, Remus refused to wear them out.

"I'm not doing this," Remus finally said, breaking into Sirius' thoughts. He turned and walked back into the bathroom to change back into more comfortable clothing, namely, pajamas.

"Oh yes you are," Sirius protested, on his feet and behind Remus in an instant. He wrapped his arms around the small body of his boyfriend, resting his fingers over the fly of Remus' pants, making it impossible for Remus to undo them. Remus' breath caught and he had to think of Peter to keep from reacting further to Sirius' hands.

"You look amazing, Rem. And? You're not finished."

"Pardon?"

Sirius smiled coyly and opened the drawer to left of Remus. When Remus saw what was in his hand, he shook his head.

"No. No, Sirius, this is where I draw the line."

Sirius stepped back and pouted. "Yes, Rem. You have to trust me on this."

"I am not wearing make up."

"You think it looks sexy on me."

The smaller, amber-eyed teen gaped at Sirius' straightforwardness. Sirius only smirked, knowing he was right.

"That's not the point, Sirius." Yes, Sirius in a little eyeliner was one of the most erotic things Remus had ever seen, and he saw it quite often, but that had nothing to do with applying it to himself.

"Sure it is," he returned, pushing Remus to sit on the toilet. "I think it'll be sexy on you."

"You want me to make a fool of myself."

Sirius took Remus' chin in one hand and forced the boy to look at him. "Stop it. I love you, and the two of us are going out tonight and we're going to have fun. You're not allowed to be self conscious."

So Remus gave in, and Sirius smiled. Fifteen minutes later, Sirius stepped back and smiled at his handiwork. Remus now sported a light, brown-gold eye shadow and black eyeliner, making his eyes even bigger than they normally were. In an ironic way, Remus looked more innocent.

"You, Remus, look hot," Sirius pronounced, then smiled and dropped his supplies into the drawer. "Come on, time to go. And we're taking the bike."

Remus did not protest. He stood and stole a glance in the mirror, sighing deeply before trailing Sirius down the stairs.

The two boys sat at the bar inside a very packed, muggle dance club. Which happened to also be a gay club. Sirius had intentionally left this piece of information out when convincing Remus to come with him.

He stole a sidelong glance at his boyfriend, pleased to see that he was at least consuming alcohol; it would relax him. True, part of the reason they were here was because Sirius enjoyed this type of thing, but tonight, Sirius had another reason for being here.

Remus was gorgeous. And not only in Sirius' eyes. Sirius was painfully aware of every bit of attention aimed at Remus that the werewolf was oblivious to. He wasn't jealous by any means; he attracted attention too, but in a different way than Remus. While Sirius was the bad boy, handsome with devilish charm, Remus' beauty was in his innocence. He was pretty and looked naïve, though Sirius knew he was anything but. Unable to convince Remus of what everyone else seemed to see, Sirius decided to let a club full of gay strangers prove it for him. Remus, of course, did not know of this plan.

"Drink down, Moony. We're dancing," he declared with a wicked grin, setting his own glass on the bar and pulling Remus to his feet.

"Sirius, no, I-"

"No, we're dancing. You promised you would," he stopped walking, pulling Remus close to him and swaying seductively. When he noticed Remus give in (thank Merlin it wasn't close to the full moon, or Remus would have never given in), he pulled them into the crowd of people dancing.

Remus felt awkward. He couldn't dance, and what was worse, Sirius had pulled them to the middle of the throng of dancers. He felt his boyfriend's arms around him from behind, felt Sirius' body moving and swaying and just being. Sirius was in his element.

"Relax, Moony. Stop thinking about it, and just feel." In his element and still aware enough to pull Moony back to him.

Remus, seeing no way out of this, closed his eyes and let his body move in time with Sirius'. He was stiff and awkward, but Sirius was pleased to feel the man's body slowly relaxing. He muttered something, and he smiled when Remus didn't respond. He had finally lost himself in the music.

Sirius moved away. That is to say, he pulled his arms away from his boyfriend's body and took one step back, still dancing, but watching Remus' supple body sway and move. Remus had opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder, wondering where Sirius had gone. Sirius locked eyes with him, but continued dancing where he was. Within moments, Remus was lost in the music again.

Sirius moved back further. It was a slow process, but he was inching his way as far back as he could, though still close enough to see Remus. When he had reached the outer edge of the ring of dancers, he stopped moving and watched.

Men were looking at his Remus, and he had to suppress a little protective surge that ran through him. He waited. One of the men that had been eyeing Remus actually looked around for Sirius. Spotting him far away, he made a move.

He came up behind Remus and danced, close, but not too close yet. Remus ignored any contact their bodies made, assuming it was one of the other dancers (as they were all pressed tightly together), or Sirius.

It was when the man pressed himself against Remus and wrapped his arms around the werewolf's front that Sirius jumped forward a step before stopping himself.

Remus' eyes snapped open. He knew Sirius' body, and this wasn't it. Before he had time to even try and turn around, someone else was in front of him, clearly inebriated and quite lewd.

"You're a pretty thing," he slurred, and Remus only ignored him, turning to the man behind him.

"What are you doing?"

"Dancing with you," came the easy answer. "Your friend seems to have left you for now, and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to dance with such a beautiful creature."

Remus actually growled at the compliment. . . being called a creature was what irritated him. He pushed away from the man. "I'm sorry, but I'm here with someone else."

"Him?" The man asked, pointing to Sirius, who had busied himself dancing with someone else, though not nearly as close as he had been dancing with Remus.

"Who I'm here with is really none of your business," Remus replied, tearing his eyes away from his boyfriend. Sirius felt the absence of Remus' gaze and turned back to watch. Remus wasn't enjoying whatever was going on.

A few others came up to Remus, but as he expressed his disinterest, they left. The one who had been watching Sirius, however, was persistent. Sirius felt jealousy surge and decided it was about time he reclaimed his territory.

"I hate you," Remus told Sirius quiet plainly.

"When are you going to learn to trust me, Remus?" He didn't mean to be harsh with the comment; he knew that breaking through Remus' insecurities would take time, and he was more than willing to spend all the time in the world with his boyfriend to accomplish it. "Now close your eyes and just dance with me."


	3. Silent Night

Remus handed his neatly folded clothes to Sirius without looking up from the floor. Sirius took them, gently setting them on a high, dusty shelf to keep them safe. Sirius wanted him to say something, but Remus was quiet, characteristically so, and Sirius knew he should be used to it. That never made it any easy; knowing you should be used to something. Knowing you should didn't mean you were.

He watched Remus carefully, watching for the signs he had picked up on after three years of doing this. He often tried to get Remus to explain to him the process, but he never would. Sometimes, if Sirius pushed enough, he'd get vague details. But mostly he knew from watching.

Remus closed his eyes, his hands on the footboard of the old bed.

"Doin' all right, Rem?" Sirius asked, careful not to use his friend's nickname; not tonight.

Remus nodded.

"Your vision going?"

The amber eyed teen nodded again. Sirius came up next to him, arms across his chest, and leaned against the footboard, facing the door. The first thing Remus went through during his transformation was a slow shift from seeing in color to black and white. After months of noticing that Remus blinked quite a bit in the first few minutes, Remus had finally given in and told him why. His eyesight got better, too, and Remus closed his eyes because he couldn't adjust to the change.

"You should lay down," Sirius suggested in a soft voice. After Remus' eyesight went, the rest of his senses heightened incredibly. Overwhelmingly, as Remus had put it once. A whisper to him was even loud, and Sirius always took great care to accommodate.

"Lie down," Remus corrected. "And not yet."

Sirius smiled inwardly at Remus' correction. It was a good sign, a sign that he hadn't lost Remus in the transformation yet. Then, the boy's body went rigid.

"Come on, let's lay down." He wrapped his arms around Remus' body, gently leading him to the bed as Remus' breath became labored and his pulse started to race. The adrenaline would be kicking in soon, just seconds before Sirius knew the pain would start. Already, he could see Remus' muscles tensing and shifting, ever so slightly, below his skin.

Once Sirius had laid him on the bed, Remus pulled his knees to his chest and subconsciously held his breath. Sirius couldn't take it. The pain was setting in, and Remus was trying so hard to fight it. Every full moon, he fought the wolf with as much energy as he could with the dim hope of keeping his human mind throughout the night. They had read somewhere that it was possible, but so far, it hadn't worked for Remus.

Sirius crawled onto the bed next to him, easing the boy's knees away from his body slightly as he wrapped his arms around Remus again, this time with both of them lying down.

"Have you ever thought about just giving into it?"

"What?" Remus asked through grit teeth, his hands clenched into fists around the thin pillow.

Sirius felt a shiver race up his spine. Remus was still a few minutes away from completely transforming, but his muscles and bones were beginning to shift with an eerie rhythm. "Don't fight it tonight, Rem. Just let it happen."

"You should change," was Remus' only answer, indicating that it was time for Padfoot.

"I will," he assured Remus. The hairs on his arms were stiffening, and Sirius kissed the back of Remus' neck. It all started so slowly, so delicately, before everything happened at once. "Relax, Remus. Relax your body, relax your mind. It might hurt less."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

Sirius gently pulled the pillow away from Remus' ever tightening grip. "You're going to change no matter what, Rem. Give into it." He felt Remus start to pull away from him slightly, and he held the boy that much closer. Tremors were running through Remus' body now, and he knew it was getting harder and harder for Remus to concentrate on him.

"Relax," he whispered in Remus' ear. "I'm right here." His fingers curled over Remus', taking the shape of his fists and gently prying the werewolf's fingers open.

"Sirius…"

"Lay still. Relax. Remus," he said sharply when he noticed the boy slipping further from him. "Relax. Look, lay with me." He draped his body against Remus' back. He could tell Remus still wanted to fight the beast within. "I promise you it will be better."

These seemed to be the magic words. For an instant, Sirius felt Remus' body press into his, and while the muscles were still shifting, they weren't as taut. "Good, Remus. Concentrate on staying like this."

That was much easier said than done when it all finally started. Remus was hyper aware of his body, and he could feel literally everything that was happening to it. He felt the hairs on his arms start to grow, felt them almost individually. He cried out when he felt the first bone break, nearly shredding the attached muscle, then reform and regrow.

"Shhh," Sirius breathed. "Relax. Ride it out."

"You need to change."

"I will," Sirius promised again. "Breathe, Rem."

The pain became overwhelming, and Remus' heightened senses made it all too much. Usually at this point, he was screaming because he couldn't do anything else, and nothing made the pain go away. Tonight, however, Sirius could only hear his quick, labored breathing, and the definite crack of bones as they broke and reformed. Remus wasn't screaming tonight. Instead, he was doing something Sirius had never seen him do during the transformations before; he was crying.

"Relax, I'm here," he whispered again to the half animal, half human body next to him. He knew what he was doing was dangerous, but Remus needed him. "You're doing great."

Remus body was completely covered in fur now, and the snaps of bone had stopped. Tremors took over as the muscles finished settling, and a majestic looking stag and a mouse entered the bedroom to find a wolf and a black dog side by side on the bed. Padfoot was licking Moony's snout until the wolf finally became aware of itself and snapped at the dog. Padfoot didn't mind.


End file.
